Green Eyed Friend

I was recently reading an article on Green Eyed Friends. Supposedly an unhealthy trait among people hindering them to allow space to their friends. Well, I realised I tend to become green eyed at times. It takes me time to make friends. Well, although I say am not attached to anyone, in actuality I feel I get over-attached. I begin to trust them with my life, maybe I expect a lot and when those expectations are not met, get depressed. What I tend to give I never receive it back. Whoever I get too attached to leaves me and that has filled a dread in me that it'll happen yet again. I get obsessive and possessive about the people I care about. Am I wrong to do it. It's just my love for them. Is it unreal to possess unfathomable affection. But at the end of the day it's a mind fucking game of Tag n who wins. Not me I guess!

Despair!

My fingers are numb,
my feet sore,
dragging myself,
striving for a glimmer in this darkness,
can't see anything before,
I can't walk now anymore.

I have left trying for a while now
straining to walk stumbling again,
lying unconscious,
trying to stay asure,
but I can't walk now anymore.

Toes are bleeding, heels all cracked,
feel so nauseous, I can't stay sane,
flailing around me looking for a sound,
eyes are burning, the path obscure,
I can't walk now anymore.

All hope is lost now,
no I can't walk now anymore...

Dear D!

When I first stepped foot in nixon court, I was welcomed heartily by my neighbor Doris, (Doris Lili Chen) studying economics, very tall and immensely thin (witness to her stint in modelling), she has frightening levels of energy. Soon I met others Mugdha, Pinar, Ehsan and Fauzia. I could tell you about the others but this story is dedicated to my most vivacious of friends. Well the three of us this side (Doris, Mugi n me) compensated for the loss of sound frm the opposite three. Well Mugi had a habit of putting songs on repeat, while Doris believed her voice was better than any inanimate recording device. And I received an interference of 2 sources mixed up in such indistinguishable form that my eardrums too were perplexed. To join in forces there was a guy on the floor above having such a fancy for Rock that he wished I too would hear, leading my room to vibrate.

I was saying about Doris' frightening levels of energy, apart from opera singing in her room she had a habit of taking bath at unearthly hours. But the real test was when she applied her vocal credentials to shrieking if ever interrupted in her nightly walks through the corridor. She was equally enthusiastic about her business ventures. Whoever said chinese are good salesmen must've met her. She had cartons of chinese goodies to traditional medicines, neatly stacked in her room. Well she packed all her stuff and designer labels (complete shopaholic)in cartons while her trip back. Her enthusiastic remark "No worries, ship to China" with a big smile on my utter amazement on her 2 human sized cartons accompanied by 8 other odd cartons. We seldom cooked together, there are a few reasons my erratic food timings, and food burning habits (as I have mentioned earlier) combined with her supersize knife, and hammering of honey ham (I pitied the soul of the poor pig) and also she had this unusual routine of fermenting her food a few days before consuming.

She was always quite enthusiastic but some events just aroused the drama queen in her. Especially when China hosted the 2008 Olympic games. She had brought a window size flag of China and was very perplexed where to put it up and used to narrate the medal tally everyday with tears of joy in her eyes. But now she's been "shipped to China" and no more opera renditions for me.

Breathless..

Treading on unknown paths,
I saw the murky alley close up on me,
Choking up the breath,
The darkness as dark as devil himself,
Grey walls streaked with blood,
The smell ominous and path slippery...

Diwali in Leicester

I celebrated my Diwali away from my family, as I had my college going on. Me and my roomy took a cab and braved through the traffic, pulling our classmate out of his slumber we reached just in time to see the celebrations begin. The kind cab driver showed us a shortcut. At subzero temperature clad in heavy coats reached the back gate of Kossington Park through an alleyway, shaded in the tiny alcove everybody was craning to get a clear glimpse of the fireworks. It had rained all day with light snowfall thereafter. I finally rubbed my hands together and braved to get my hands out of the pockets to get my cellphone. But as soon as the fireworks started I got transfixed to it and kept recording till the end.

All these miles away from India, I miss the chataiys and bombs in each gali and nukkad and sweets from relatives. Puja at home then running away with friends to create as much mishap as could be allowed. But going through Belgrave road at 9:00pm, seeing people rejoicing, and dancing, the sort of melancholy gripping all day finally was replaced by a sense of cheerfulness and completeness.

Waiting

waiting on the curb you left me,
waiting on the stone you pushed me on,
waiting till the end of time,
waiting for one word to set me free.

one smile that sets my heart afire,
one look to melt me through and through,
blossom my heart's desire,
still waiting for that kiss again on my cheeks.

waiting for the early showers,
waiting for you and me back again,
waiting to hold you near me,
waiting is all i've done in life.

for you to come back,
for you to stand beside me,
for you to hold hands,
for you to walk along with me.

waiting on the curb you left me,
still waiting for that one word to set me free...

Mirage

You cannot fathom
the depths of my emotions,
nor decipher
the meaning of my words,
b'cause I'm an illusion,
which'll allure you and leave you stranded